Caitlyn vs. War Heroes, Christians, and the Importance of Stones

How quick we are to judge someone else's idea of a hero.  How quickly are we to make comparisons of their hero to another hero we approve of.  Unfortunately, this is comparing apples to oranges, and only proves that we have no room to grow in our personal ideology.  It only shows our unwillingness to stand in another's shoes and have the possibility of some enlightenment and understanding. 

I am weary of everyone comparing Caitlyn Jenner to war heroes (apples and oranges), quoting Bible scriptures about her, and poking fun at her journey.  Just because you cannot imagine it, does not make it untrue.  Just because it is not true for you, does not mean that it is false.  Who are you that you think it is okay to dictate who someone else's hero should be?  Who are you to ridicule someone else's idea of who their hero is or should be?  In my opinion, this is a form of bullying.  Yes I said it, bullying!

In case you are still confused or simply unwilling to figure this out on your own:

Full Definition of BULLY

transitive verb

1

:  to treat abusively

2

:  to affect by means of force or coercion

intransitive verb

:  to use browbeating language or behavior 

  

Full Definition of HERO

1

a :  a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability

b :  an illustrious warrior

c :  a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities

d :  one who shows great courage

2

a :  the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work

b :  the central figure in an event, period, or movement

3

plural usually he·ros :  submarine 2

4

:  an object of extreme admiration and devotion

For those of you who just cannot get past your scriptures and feel the need to laud them over others, here are a few (NIV) to consider before you say another word about Ms. Jenner's journey.  Consider if you rise above any of this criteria:

• Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.  John 8:7 NIV
• Raise your hand if this is you.
• But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.  If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.  Matthew 5:39
• Have you ever lashed out at anyone you were angry with - 'ever done a vengeful deed?
• For he who said, "You shall not commit adultery," also said, "You shall not murder.”  If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.  James 2:11
• Have you ever cheated on someone?  Have you ever killed someone?  (No?  Did you go to war?)
• When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.  Proverbs 23:1, 2
• Do you overeat or drink too much?
• Hosea Chapter 4 (You must look this one up on your own and read the whole chapter.  You will get an interesting view of yourself.)
• This will surely give you an idea of just how much with or without sin you actually are.
• Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.  Romans 13:7
• How often have you been 100% honest on your taxes?
• Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.  1John 3:4
• Wow.  It says "everyone," not some of you.
• He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.  Matthew 25:45
• How do you treat animals, people with different beliefs, children, people with disabilities, people you are not fond of, people who live a lifestyle you can't/won't understand?  Have you ridiculed anyone lately?
• Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7
• This is easy.  If what you are saying or doing does not resemble love, then you are simply doing it wrong.

As defined above, there are different kinds of heroes.  Men who fought in wars do not hold the definition of hero alone.  Caitlyn is a hero to some, and it is not any higher science that she is not seen in the same way some see a war hero.  I highly doubt that anyone is suggesting that.  You cannot compare Caitlyn to a war hero, just as you cannot compare a war hero to a brave woman who has fought her hardest to overcome a deadly illness.  Moreover, because she is not a hero to you, does not mean she is not a hero to someone else.  Likewise, one who is a hero to you may not be to someone else.  (Mind blown?)  Just because you cannot understand something (or refuse to), does not mean it is not real or true for someone else.  Perhaps it is a signal that it is time to stretch your brain, your mind, and more importantly, your heart!

On a side but similar note, how many of you that are screaming foul about Caitlyn, are yet standing firm with the Duggar family?  Here is your serving of hypocrisy and pretense for the day.

Here is what being willing to learn something new and admitting it looks like:  

After viral Caitlyn Jenner post, Salem man reconsiders -- and sees some irony

The man in this article shared a post, his thoughts, and comparisons, about Jenner being considered a hero.  He just picked a fairly random photo he pulled from the web and posted it.  However, he then took it upon himself to be responsible for the picture he chose to share to illustrate his point.  He read a shocking story behind the photo and (Here is the part to pay attention to.)  instead of ignoring it, he took full personal responsibility and posted an update with the story about the picture.  Notice how many shared this man's post initially,  then pay attention to how many shared his update.  I call the latter shameful.  It took courage on his part to change his tune once he learned something new.  How many of us are willing to do this even in the face of showing we were wrong?  How many of us would ignore it be able to hang onto an ideal?  That is called a lie, and you can refer to the scriptures above if you would like.

I get that Caitlyn Jenner is up front right now because of whom she is, her celebrity status. To that I say simply, "So what!"  This is not my plea for her to be your newest hero, or to even agree that she is one.  What is true is that Bruce Jenner was my hero and idol in junior high school.  I was even quoted in our school newspaper about that when I was interviewed for "Athlete of the Month," or something like that.  I still think what he accomplished was amazing.  As an adult I see it a little differently and would see him as someone I admire for his past athletic talents and hard work.

Do I personally think Caitlyn is a hero?  I honestly cannot relate, and that is part of my point today.  The closest I can come to relating is memories of a version of me long ago that was uncomfortable in her own skin until I became more authentic in my life.  I am now more comfortable and a much happier person.  I can see clearly why she is a hero to many, regardless of what my personal beliefs or feelings are on the subject.  I am not in their shoes, so I will not endeavor to attempt at proving them wrong or ridiculing anyone for it.  If she makes someone in a similar life-situation feel better about themselves, gives them courage and hope, helps someone feel empowered, then who am I to throw stones?  My own beliefs are not threatened because someone else has different ones, and I do not make it mean that my beliefs are suddenly null and void or unimportant because of it.

So... about those stones you were throwing?  Instead, how about you kick rocks on your judgements and stop bullying.  Besides, realize that stone might be returned one day!

About Forgiveness

                   

We all know the old saying "Forgive and forget."  Some believe you can forgive but should never forget.  Jesus tells us in The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:22) that we should forgive "not seven times, but seventy-seven times."  In other words, we should continue being forgiving, and it should be innumerable, unending.  It is a simple concept, but not so easy to accomplish sometimes.

I personally struggle with forgiveness of those that commit heinous crimes, acts of violence, and most especially against children, elderly, or animals.  Don't even get me started on hate crimes!  Those are some of my biases.  It is good to know our own biases at any time, but especially helpful regarding forgiveness.  I have another personal statement in my head: Intolerance will not be tolerated!  :)  Yes, I know it is contradictory... maybe a paradox.  

Personally, I find it easiest to just realize that this is who I have in my life when I have forgiven someone for wrongdoings.  Then I am free to choose whether they should remain in my life, and to what extent.  Sometimes we can forgive, but it is not so wise to keep them around once they have shown us who they are.  'Just goes to show you that forgiveness is really for the one doing the forgiving, and not necessarily for the transgressor.  

We all struggle from time to time with that person that continues to abuse the privilege of our forgiveness, or our kind nature.  On the other hand, perhaps we have been the one repeating a hurtful error on someone -- a loved one, teacher, workmate, etc.

This quote can mean something different depending on from which perspective you are reading.  It is actually for the one forgiving, as well as the one being forgiven.  It is helpful if you can read it both ways, as there is opportunity in there regardless of how this lands for you personally.

What does it mean for you?  I would love to hear!

About Forgiveness

Forgive and Forget

This subject was heavy on my mind this morning as I listened to Joel Osteen speak about how God forgives always, and how His forgiveness is always greater than any error one could ever commit.  I got to thinking about a couple of people I have chosen not to forgive and whose transgressions I refuse to forget.  What would it mean for me to forgive these people?  I am a forgiving person, and have long understood that “forgive and forget” does not translate into allowing harmful or toxic people to continue in my life.  So why have I chosen, knowingly, to hang onto the pains caused by these people?  They are not still doing anything to me, and this allows them to continue in my life in a toxic way.  This is my self-examination today.

From Dictionary.com
Word Origin & History

FORGIVE

O.E. forgiefan "give, grant, allow," also "to give up" and "to give in marriage;" from for- "completely" + giefan "give" (see give). The modern sense of "to give up desire or power to punish" is from use of the compound as a Gmc. loan-translation of L. perdonare (cf. Du. vergeven, Ger. vergeben; see pardon).

From Merriam-Webster.com
Full Definition of FORGIVE

transitive verb

1          a :  to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>

            b :  to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

2          :  to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) :  pardon <forgive one's enemies>

From Dictionary.com
Word Origin & History

FORGET

O.E. forgytan, from for- "passing by, letting go" (cf. forbear, forgo) + gietan "to grasp" (see get). A common Gmc. construction (cf. O.S. fargetan, Du. vergeten, Ger. vergessen "to forget"). The literal sense would be "to lose (one's) grip on," but that is not recorded in any

Germanic language.

  

From Merriam-Webster.com
Full Definition of FORGET

transitive verb

1          a :  to lose the remembrance of :  be unable to think of or recall <I forget his name>

            b obsolete :  to cease from doing

2          :  to treat with inattention or disregard <forgot their old friends>

3          a :  to disregard intentionally :  overlook —usually used in the imperative <I shouldn't have said that, so just forget it>

            b :  to give up hope for or expectation of —usually used in the imperative <as for        prompt service, forget it>

intransitive verb

1          :  to cease remembering or noticing <forgive and forget>

2          :  to fail to become mindful at the proper time <forgot about paying the bill>

So… to completely give a let-go!  This is why it is a gift to oneself.  

“Forgive and forget” is made a difficult practice by the confusion that it means to release another from his or her transgressions and allow them back – back in one’s life, back home, back in a group, etc.  This is faulty thinking and leads only to heartache and often bitterness of the one preoccupied and determined not to forgive.  That takes effort, but forgiveness actually takes far less effort!  Every action receives a reaction from the universe.  So consider if we forgive, we receive a certain path to take, and if we do not, we receive another.  Which would you have – one chosen for you, or one that you choose freely and with far less effort?

One can find many Bible verses about forgiveness.  Whether you claim a religion or not, they are all good advice, and worthy of much consideration and action.  However, I have yet to find a verse that says we should forgive AND forget.  I think forgetting, as in something being involuntarily or voluntarily wiped from one’s memory is impossible – at least in a force-it-out kind of way. 

As used in the context of forgive and forget, the forgetting is in letting go; it is a ceasing of purposely and purposefully recalling.  Let go of the attachment you have to the error.  Let go of the emotion you have attached to the error.  Most importantly, let go of how right you are about the error.  Whether you are right or not about the error, it is still the error.  Just let it gooooooo...   and let the universe swallow it up for you.  It is just as simple (or difficult, depending on one’s outlook) to practice letting go as it is to practice harboring the judgment and anger.  Yes, it is a practice.  We become better at that which we focus – positive or negative.  Much like forgiveness, there is another choice about direction here.  Which will you choose?

Forgiving and forgetting is not releasing the one (or ones) who hurt you.  To the contrary, it is about releasing yourself from the hurt.  The life path of the person who hurt you does not change whether you choose to forgive and forget, or not.  But yours DOES!  We choose our own paths, even when we are asleep at the wheel, and inaction is still an action. 

Wake up!  Pay attention!  Turn on your conscious GPS!  If you could draw out your choices over your lifetime as a map, how would those twists and turns look?  Where have they taken you, and what journey are you still on?  Are you progressing?  Do you feel good about your direction?  Are you going in circles only to end up in the same spot all the time?  Are you lost – wandering aimlessly?  Each choice takes a particular path.  Each choice rewards us with something.  We each created our own maps, life journeys, and painted ourselves into a particular picture.  Where are you headed?

(It is important to remember that transgressions, whether real or perceived, are always real to the one who owns the experience.)

  

References

Forget. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved January 19, 2014, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Forget

Forget. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved January 19, 2014, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forget

Forgive. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved January 19, 2014, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Forgive

Forgive. Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Retrieved January 19, 2014. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forgive

Dear God... Thanks!

Dear God, thank you for this great country I live in.  I want to thank you in advance for a country healed, a country united, a country progressing, a country that lives inside a world that works for everyone and leaves no one out.  I am grateful to live in a place that lets me pray with others and not in fear or seclusion.

Divine Spirit, please speak to those who make choices for our country that they remain mindful of its citizens.  Please remind us all to be patient with one another – we are indeed in this together as one nation, just as we are divinely one.

I pray today also for the safety of our troops abroad and at home.  Please bless them with a healing light and a light that guides them home safely.  I pray and give thanks for an end to the fighting soon.

Dear God, I pray for the prosperity of this country, as well as each individual.  Please keep us mindful of those that cannot help themselves, and those who need our temporary help to fill in a gap.  Please keep them safe, covered, and fed until they can be on their own two feet again.  I am grateful that you carried me through those times.

I am so thankful for, as I like to say, “my real life where I park my car.”  I am eternally grateful for my healthy family, and so blessed to have such wonderful children – healthy, smart, hard-working, and respectful.  Also, I stand in gratitude for a husband that supports me in whatever path I choose for myself.  Thank you for a group of parents that love me just the way I am, and even when how I am changes.  I love and am so proud of my diverse family, which includes everyone from third cousins to family add-ons that we choose, and our furry kids.  I am so blessed.

Finally, I come to you in gratitude for the gift of forgiveness – from me and for me.  I know that everything is in divine order ALL the time, and that no matter how its outward appearance shows itself to me, You have the master plan.  Thank you for the many blessings of your divine love.  I pray these things and give thanks for all through the light and love of Jesus Christ, our wayshower.  Amen.