Monday, January 28, 2013

Haikus by Night

Your expectations

Are a box I cannot fit

Keep them for yourself

You know you were wrong

You treated my son so bad

That’s why we don’t talk

So done with people

Who think they can mistreat me

You called yourself friend

Lesbians are bad

And Muslims are even worse

He says in his hate

Taken for granted

They are God’s gift to mankind

Take care of your pets

You should be ashamed

You can’t look in the mirror

But you pretend well

I took your photo

Then you asked me for my hand

Now we have four dogs

I asked God for you

No, I don’t mean by your name

He knew anyway

Tell me how you knew

You were supposed to show up

Did you hear my prayer

Can’t sleep, racing thoughts

So much on my mind tonight

So I write haikus

My head is on fire

Nothing can extinguish it

Please God rescue me

Sunday, January 27, 2013

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

The Greatest Gift:
1"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  8Love never fails.  But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

9For we know in part and we prophesy in part.  10But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.  11When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  12For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part,  but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

Dear God... Thanks!

Dear God, thank you for this great country I live in.  I want to thank you in advance for a country healed, a country united, a country progressing, a country that lives inside a world that works for everyone and leaves no one out.  I am grateful to live in a place that lets me pray with others and not in fear or seclusion.

Divine Spirit, please speak to those who make choices for our country that they remain mindful of its citizens.  Please remind us all to be patient with one another – we are indeed in this together as one nation, just as we are divinely one.

I pray today also for the safety of our troops abroad and at home.  Please bless them with a healing light and a light that guides them home safely.  I pray and give thanks for an end to the fighting soon.

Dear God, I pray for the prosperity of this country, as well as each individual.  Please keep us mindful of those that cannot help themselves, and those who need our temporary help to fill in a gap.  Please keep them safe, covered, and fed until they can be on their own two feet again.  I am grateful that you carried me through those times.

I am so thankful for, as I like to say, “my real life where I park my car.”  I am eternally grateful for my healthy family, and so blessed to have such wonderful children – healthy, smart, hard-working, and respectful.  Also, I stand in gratitude for a husband that supports me in whatever path I choose for myself.  Thank you for a group of parents that love me just the way I am, and even when how I am changes.  I love and am so proud of my diverse family, which includes everyone from third cousins to family add-ons that we choose, and our furry kids.  I am so blessed.

Finally, I come to you in gratitude for the gift of forgiveness – from me and for me.  I know that everything is in divine order ALL the time, and that no matter how its outward appearance shows itself to me, You have the master plan.  Thank you for the many blessings of your divine love.  I pray these things and give thanks for all through the light and love of Jesus Christ, our wayshower.  Amen.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Waging peace is how I learned from her.

I wrote this on January 12, 2013, after finding out about a dear friend transitioning (passing):  
An earth angel has left us behind to take her place in Heaven.  As is her usual way, she made one last check of things and flew off with her delicate little wings out the window to begin her new journey.
Feeling blessed and thankful today to have known and been touched by such a wonderful spirit.  I've tried to find them, but words do not exist to explain the kindness, gentleness, patience, and example of unconditional love she so quietly exhibited to all who paid attention.  She was living proof that strength and wisdom can come in the gentlest, quietest way.  I celebrate her life – quietly.
My heart goes out to the George family, and a little piece of it with "Mom."  Prayers of condolence, healing, and the grace of light and peace….    <3
All I can say is, you had to have known her to fully "get" this.  I hadn't seen her in about 10 years, and refused to say goodbye to her the last time I had a chance.  I wasn't mad at her.  I adored her.  Circumstances at the time felt like I may not see her again, and I was too brokenhearted to face her.  Odd thing is, I know she never harbored judgement about it. I know this because I knew her.  Damn... I wish you would have known her.

Allow me to digress for a moment to catch you up:  My new game on this planet is "wage peace."  Our pastor gave a fabulous Sunday lesson several months ago about focusing on war, fighting, and struggle.  It was about what we focus on will persist.  For some reason this really resonated with me that Sunday, and continues to whisper in my ear.  So I am on a mission to wage peace.  How this looks for me is that when something that comes up that feels hard, uncomfortable, a struggle, or defying reasonable explanation, I seek to find the lesson in it rather than resisting it or being angry.

With that explained, my friend transitioning was a perfect opportunity to go inward and see what I learned from her.  It was easy to figure out, though I was surprised at what a big deal it was.  Here's what I learned:
I was lost in thought today about my friend that made her transition, and considering what I learned from knowing her, and recognizing what I wish I had learned sooner.
I like to garden - play in the dirt.  I was thinking today about self-propagating plants.  Those are the kind from which you can pull a piece off and start a completely new plant, i.e., jade plant, coleus, cactus, etc.
Here is what I learned.  Our hearts are like those plants.  When we give a piece away, it lives on; and who knows how many times that piece might be parted out again.  It is so worth it and keeps you alive.  Sometimes it might get broken, but it still lives on even outside of you because you shared it.
If you lock it up and never give it away, it withers and may shrink away or forget what it is like to be shared.  It cannot thrive that way.  So give pieces away freely and often.
Freely give pieces of your heart away.  The return is great.  Plant pieces of it wherever you go -- even if you do not get to see what comes of it.  When you pluck a piece from your heart, new stems grow and your capacity becomes greater and more opportunities to give it away appear.  Much like a plant NEEDS to be trimmed and plucked for its vitality and further growth, so it goes with our hearts.
Giving your heart away is not the same as giving up your heart.  It is also not the same as “giving it up” or “putting out.”  You must love yourself FIRST so your heart can take root and grow strong to weather the storms that WILL come.  When you love yourself first, you can give pieces away and be stronger for having done so.  If not, you may give your heart up to someone or something – abandoning it, neglecting it, forsaking it.  It will uproot easily like that plant that has not been cared for properly.  Its roots are shallow and poor.  So love yourself first and grow a strong foundation and deep roots.

So plant away!  Peace out....  

Here I am, and what makes me an expert!

So, here I am -- a person with so much to say and suddenly stumped as to where to start!

I like writing.  I always have, and I have a lot to say.   I think a lot -- about everything, and so I thought it time to start writing it all down.  It is beginning to take up so much space in my head!

I should be clear here that I like to write, except term papers.  I hate those!  There's so many formatting rules!  You may not see much of that here -- just a warning.

I am new to blogging, so be kind.

Some not-so-personal things about me:  I am a 48 year old mother of three grown men, each of whom I am immensely proud.  They also have a sister with another mother (we don't say or consider "halves" in this family), and she will always be the little girl in my heart.  This makes me an expert on what NOT to do when you are raising boys... not necessarily on the right thing to do.  I consider myself an expert on past-tense child rearing.  We have always referred to my oldest son as "our experimental child."  My oldest, youngest, and our girl live in another state, 900 miles away; my middle son lives at home.

I just married for the second time in September 2011, and I'm pretty sure I got it right this time.  There was nearly a 20-year span between marriages.  Thankfully, my new husband  has a sense of humor.  I wonder if the fact that he is a therapist/social worker is a plus?  <<laughing>>  This makes me an expert on... what I should not have done the first time.  We have three dogs and a cat.  We just lost our beloved pit bull, Trouble, in November 2012.  Our animals are our family, too.  Yes, in case you were wondering, we are those nutty animal people.  This makes us experts on recognizing unconditional love.

I recently left my job with a large healthcare organization after going back to school.  I am now on a leave of absence for a few months... trying to figure out what to do with myself... or admit what it is I'm willing to do.

I am a Christian, though probably not in the mainstream way most people think of.  In time, I'm sure more of this will reveal itself.  I am very spiritual, and am re-learning to listen to my intuition and higher calling.  This makes me an expert in constantly remembering that all answers lie within me... and then remembering again....  Okay, maybe I'm an expert in being a work in progress!  Truth be told, I am in constant discovery mode.

I am probably a Democrat.  Most days.  Mostly, I am opinionated.

More personal - my fears:  I have a fear of succeeding big and having to be responsible for it.  I have a fear of intruding on others' personal time with my mundane ramblings or thoughts.  Hence, this blog.  I have a fear that my fears will stop me, and they do.  Hence, this blog.  I have a fear that the thoughts that are so profound and important to me will fall on deaf ears, so I don't speak them out loud a lot.  Hence, this blog.  I am experimenting on readers, I guess.  I am expert at being afraid of invisible feelings.

Mostly, I am not the perfect anything, other than being perfectly me - the only one there is. So that makes me an expert on me.

My blog will simply be my random thoughts -- my journal out-loud.  Thank you for coming here.  If you choose to comment, please mind the "House Rules."