Divide and Conquer

Do you think you are separate?
An island unto yourself.

Do you listen to your monkey mind
Telling you that you are different,

That you are inferior, superior, that you don’t belong?

That you belong over there with them…

With your own kind?

There you are standing alone

Pretending to be stronger for it.

Sticking with your look-alikes, your sound-alikes, your do-alikes.

Are you now stronger

Remaining stagnant in your space

Pretending to do good while judging how “they” are?

A do-gooder for self

A do-gooder for same

Fooled, foolish, and foolishly gained.

You speak of changing the world,

Of how awful the world is.

You have travelled the world

Know your community inside and out

Yet remain stuck in your spot

Stuck in the same circle.

A circle with no end

That repeats itself with no break

A never-ending cycle that goes nowhere.

You can’t fly if you don’t spread your wings.

You can’t see newly if you don’t move.

Move over, move up, but move!

You are complaining about how “they” are.

Judging and insisting on change

While you stand with your ilk and remain paralyzed on the spot.

You don’t like the view “over there”

On the other side

Where “they” are.

Have you looked at you from over there?

Your own mire is so comfortable

You don’t see the division within it too.

You’re wide-eyed looking over there to claim to see

But really to examine all the failures and point

While you have your blinders on inside your circle.

Yeah, keep yourself separate, divided.

Keep telling yourself you are doing good

Making things better, a better life

For you and yours

While you divide and conquer….

                                                 Conquered and divided.

by Debora Lynn Garcia

Forgive and Forget

This subject was heavy on my mind this morning as I listened to Joel Osteen speak about how God forgives always, and how His forgiveness is always greater than any error one could ever commit.  I got to thinking about a couple of people I have chosen not to forgive and whose transgressions I refuse to forget.  What would it mean for me to forgive these people?  I am a forgiving person, and have long understood that “forgive and forget” does not translate into allowing harmful or toxic people to continue in my life.  So why have I chosen, knowingly, to hang onto the pains caused by these people?  They are not still doing anything to me, and this allows them to continue in my life in a toxic way.  This is my self-examination today.

From Dictionary.com
Word Origin & History

FORGIVE

O.E. forgiefan "give, grant, allow," also "to give up" and "to give in marriage;" from for- "completely" + giefan "give" (see give). The modern sense of "to give up desire or power to punish" is from use of the compound as a Gmc. loan-translation of L. perdonare (cf. Du. vergeven, Ger. vergeben; see pardon).

From Merriam-Webster.com
Full Definition of FORGIVE

transitive verb

1          a :  to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>

            b :  to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

2          :  to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) :  pardon <forgive one's enemies>

From Dictionary.com
Word Origin & History

FORGET

O.E. forgytan, from for- "passing by, letting go" (cf. forbear, forgo) + gietan "to grasp" (see get). A common Gmc. construction (cf. O.S. fargetan, Du. vergeten, Ger. vergessen "to forget"). The literal sense would be "to lose (one's) grip on," but that is not recorded in any

Germanic language.

  

From Merriam-Webster.com
Full Definition of FORGET

transitive verb

1          a :  to lose the remembrance of :  be unable to think of or recall <I forget his name>

            b obsolete :  to cease from doing

2          :  to treat with inattention or disregard <forgot their old friends>

3          a :  to disregard intentionally :  overlook —usually used in the imperative <I shouldn't have said that, so just forget it>

            b :  to give up hope for or expectation of —usually used in the imperative <as for        prompt service, forget it>

intransitive verb

1          :  to cease remembering or noticing <forgive and forget>

2          :  to fail to become mindful at the proper time <forgot about paying the bill>

So… to completely give a let-go!  This is why it is a gift to oneself.  

“Forgive and forget” is made a difficult practice by the confusion that it means to release another from his or her transgressions and allow them back – back in one’s life, back home, back in a group, etc.  This is faulty thinking and leads only to heartache and often bitterness of the one preoccupied and determined not to forgive.  That takes effort, but forgiveness actually takes far less effort!  Every action receives a reaction from the universe.  So consider if we forgive, we receive a certain path to take, and if we do not, we receive another.  Which would you have – one chosen for you, or one that you choose freely and with far less effort?

One can find many Bible verses about forgiveness.  Whether you claim a religion or not, they are all good advice, and worthy of much consideration and action.  However, I have yet to find a verse that says we should forgive AND forget.  I think forgetting, as in something being involuntarily or voluntarily wiped from one’s memory is impossible – at least in a force-it-out kind of way. 

As used in the context of forgive and forget, the forgetting is in letting go; it is a ceasing of purposely and purposefully recalling.  Let go of the attachment you have to the error.  Let go of the emotion you have attached to the error.  Most importantly, let go of how right you are about the error.  Whether you are right or not about the error, it is still the error.  Just let it gooooooo...   and let the universe swallow it up for you.  It is just as simple (or difficult, depending on one’s outlook) to practice letting go as it is to practice harboring the judgment and anger.  Yes, it is a practice.  We become better at that which we focus – positive or negative.  Much like forgiveness, there is another choice about direction here.  Which will you choose?

Forgiving and forgetting is not releasing the one (or ones) who hurt you.  To the contrary, it is about releasing yourself from the hurt.  The life path of the person who hurt you does not change whether you choose to forgive and forget, or not.  But yours DOES!  We choose our own paths, even when we are asleep at the wheel, and inaction is still an action. 

Wake up!  Pay attention!  Turn on your conscious GPS!  If you could draw out your choices over your lifetime as a map, how would those twists and turns look?  Where have they taken you, and what journey are you still on?  Are you progressing?  Do you feel good about your direction?  Are you going in circles only to end up in the same spot all the time?  Are you lost – wandering aimlessly?  Each choice takes a particular path.  Each choice rewards us with something.  We each created our own maps, life journeys, and painted ourselves into a particular picture.  Where are you headed?

(It is important to remember that transgressions, whether real or perceived, are always real to the one who owns the experience.)

  

References

Forget. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved January 19, 2014, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Forget

Forget. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved January 19, 2014, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forget

Forgive. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved January 19, 2014, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Forgive

Forgive. Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Retrieved January 19, 2014. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forgive