Saturday, October 6, 2018

Kavanaugh, Outrage, Hypocrites, and Party Lines

I don't think Kavanaugh is the right choice (likely not a big surprise to anyone) for Supreme Court Justice, and I'm PISSED, but probably not the reasons 99.9% of you think.  For one, I think he's partisan. Two, he showed a piss poor demeanor during the interview.  Three, I believe Dr. Ford. And my reasons why are that order of importance. The first two are pretty clear, but the third is last on my list because honestly, we fucked up. ("We" meaning mainly the left, because I don't consider myself a Democrat). This issue with Dr. Ford could have been cleared up sooner and in a more thorough way. But someone thought it'd be good strategy to throw it out there at the 11th hour. STUPID!  Have we not forgotten that the right wing folks are the same ones that obstructed nearly everything Obama tried to do (and we know why; don't fool yourselves or pretend), AND they announced it publicly that they would?  Yes, this is the party of ZERO FUCKS GIVEN.  Did we think that this cute last-minute move by the left was going to actually change something??? This should have been dealt with from the first day it was made known to whoever could have done something about it. (We'll likely never know who let the cat out of the bag. At first we were praising Feinstein, then we were protecting her from having the fingers pointed at her for doing it, so.... )  We also gave Dr. Ford a dirty deal by putting her out there like that. She should be hurt and pissed at how she was treated on all levels, by all sides. WE failed her by handling it this way, and consequently, have not helped any other victim who wishes she had the wherewithal to come forward, or possibly even someone who's now more afraid than ever to leave her/his abuser.

Remember Merrick Garland? How about Gorsuch? Remember the obstruction and the speedy push-through?  How about ALL of the various politicians over the years that are KNOWN for sexual misconduct of various degrees - on both sides? There are self-serving hypocrites on both sides of the aisle, and I'm not just talking about the politicians! We are just as bad when we turn a BLIND EYE to what our party does, but then turn around and blast the other party for similar offenses. Both sides do this! In MY lifetime, there was nothing comparable to the pre-announced obstruction of the right wing when Obama was in office, and if you say this is false, you're just a liar. In the old neighborhood, we used to say "Don't start none, won't be none," but now you all are surprised at the pushback you are getting from the Dems. I don't know who to point and laugh at harder and louder - the right or the left!  We are getting NOWHERE; well, maybe we're spiraling downward faster.

If you want something to change, then WE have to change - change the way we VOTE, and certainly change our expectations to a higher plane for our public SERVANTS. Start by INVESTIGATING your own candidates at least as much as the others, and PAY ATTENTION to ALL that your representatives are doing WHILE they're in office! They lie so much, and though they are supposed to be serving us, they are indeed SELF-SERVING. STOP TURNING YOUR HEAD WHEN YOUR OWN CANDIDATE OR PARTY DOES A DIRTY DEED! You can't keep pointing the finger at the other party and wonder how we got here. We can't change THEIR house; we can only change OUR house!

The Dems are the party of  ELEVENTH HOUR ORCHESTRATED OUTRAGE. How many times are we going to protest, write letters, complain, etc. when we want something done, and one of them finally shows up at the 11th hour with some fire and brimstone speech. You know what we do?  We idiotically cheer them on then, lifting them on our shoulders like some kind of frigging hero. GIVE ME A F'ING BREAK!  Just off the top of my head Warren, Obama, Harris and Booker come to mind. (Side note: have you paid attention to the records of these folks, or do you just like how they speak and look?)  

You want change?  Get off the teats of MSNBC, CNN, Fox, etc. Get OFF the websites that ONLY support YOUR opinion. Start using the ol' thinkie-thing again! And probably the most important of all, stop being afraid to vote in CHANGE. Let's get these frigging dinosaurs and limp noodles out of there! I still can't forget how many people were afraid to vote for a third party SIMPLY because they thought that the candidate's stated goals were too lofty.  That is SAD!  We keep saying what a great country this is and flexing our biceps about it - except at the polls!  When did we become so afraid of having lofty goals?  I thought that's what this country was about. NOTHING is going to change if we keep voting in these mealy-mouthed, late-comer dinosaurs!  This isn't a football game (or pick your sport) where we should e rooting for the side whose jersey we wear!  This is much more important than to be so shallow!

Trump is the slimiest of slimeballs.  He is disgusting, and just generally a terrible human being. And PLEASE don't try to tell me what he does for the veterans! If you're a veteran and/or stand by him for veterans, you are being foolish. Google it!  In addition, do you actually think he gives two shits about the flag?  He doesn't. But I digress....  'You know why he's the president?  Because of 52% of white women + Hillary Clinton (and her DNC partners in crime.)  That's the TRUTH.

Now don't get me wrong; I'll get out there and protest (body-willing). But our keyboards, streets, sidewalks, and Capitol steps CANNOT be the only place we do legwork!  Take a trip through the voting archives online to see how they're voting in Washington DC, and equally important if not more so, look at your local public servants' records!  Pay attention to when they step in and throw out some convenient outrage and action.  Look to see who their donors are! Don't be lazy and rely solely on the biased mainstream media. Stop wasting your time trying your best to make the other side look bad while your own side is sneaking under the radar with some janky mess!


You say you want things to get better and you want to see change?  Then open your eyes. Open your mind. Don't be fooled by party lines; they're ALL about privilege and self-serving. Be a brave American and don't be afraid to change your mind. Then VOTE with an educated, courageous mind!


Friday, March 30, 2018

Five Seconds to Grief

Grief is a fickle monster.

I am really embarrassed about some of the terrible comments I've read about this young man, Stevante Clark, who is wrapped and wound in his grief. To be clear, I'm not embarrassed BY them, I'm embarrassed FOR them – the cold-hearted hypocrites who made/are making them.  I am embarrassed FOR the ignorant, unenlightened, satan-hearted comments about his brother's death.  #StephonClark  I am embarrassed much in the same way as if you'd walked outside with your bare butt hanging out of your skirt because you accidentally tucked it in your panties on the way out of the restroom, unaware. People are trying to tell you that your butt is hanging out, but you don't want to listen to anyone trying to save you from yourself. I see you showing your butt, and I'm trying to tell you about it, but you're just going to keep talking and walking around showing your butt. The HUGE difference here, however, is that your callousness, your ill-informed remarks, your purposeful disregard, your hate, and your complete unwillingness to even consider that someone’s experience of life may be completely different in every way than yours, contributes to this very broken system that causes senseless deaths. 

Yes, grief is fickle, underestimated, and delivers surprises for you when you least expect it. It manifests differently for everyone (EVERYONE) and is completely unpredictable.  Watching this young man, all I keep thinking about is how he doesn't even get to grieve in his own space like most of us do; how he doesn't get to keep his grief to himself or share it at times of his choosing, on his terms. You see, people are depending on his grief. Yes, DEPENDING. He and his family are all on display right now, and mainly because (when you get down to brass tacks) our society just can't stop showing its collective butt. We can't get it together enough to realize we are ONE, whether we like it or not. We have a planet to share, cities and neighborhoods. We forgot long ago that what hurts one of us hurts us ALL. We forgot that someone made up a terrible game long ago that said we are different, and then made some of us far less valuable than others. We FORGOT for so long that we started to believe in the power of power, and power of the game, instead of the power of community and truth. And then sadly, we made it a game that no one can win.  This young man, Stevante Clark, is grieving; and his grief is no less important or greater than another person’s.  The difference is that his is all out front for the whole world to witness and, unfortunately, JUDGE. So much talk is about how he should be, what he should do, what he shouldn’t say, etc.… AS IF ANY OF US HAVE A SINGLE TINY CRUMB OF A CLUE! Well, the clear majority of us do not.  He and his family are unfortunately in a very elite club, and those other members are really the only ones that have an idea at all. Even still, his grief, anyone’s grief, is wholly personal.

The comments I have been reading are plain disgusting. They are purposely mean, with full intent to cause MORE harm. Yet, those of you making them seem to think you have a right and that you are a step or more above Stephon Clark and his family.  Your ugly words prove otherwise.

I’m going to keep saying these things:  Just because someone’s experience of life isn’t the same as your experience, doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.  We should work harder to understand that.  Your experience of life IS NOT THEE experience of life! Because you can’t understand or even imagine someone else’s experience does not make yours the “right” one, or the only one that’s real or correct.  If you want to expand your mind, take a trip outside of your own shoes once in a while. Also this:  When I uplift even one to equal standing, I lose nothing and gain it all -- not only for myself but for all of us. Likewise, the converse is true. Remember that one can and will cause a collective. It is impossible to give more than I have, and completely possible to gain more than I dreamed when I pursue love-multiplied as my only agenda.

I remain completely baffled by those that are completely resistant to change in our policing. I am unable to discern if those of you are resistant because you can’t understand or haven’t stopped to realize that improved policing is improved for us ALL, or if it is just that you are so calloused and simply couldn’t care less if our system affects our black and other marginalized communities quite differently. I am in amazement at the lengths to which people will go to hoist themselves up at the expense of another.

I have been “unfriended” on a few social networking sites in the past few days. I am sure that some of my comments have felt inflammatory, and honestly, on occasion, some of them were meant to be. I am hurting for MY community, which includes everyone.  I am hurting for our injured communities.  I am hurting for my kids and my grandchildren who are living in a world that says and shows that their lives are less valuable than even my own.  HOW CAN THAT BE? I am no different than ANY mother, and that which hurts my children is no friend of mine.  I am happy that some folks go away and out of my life, be it on social media, or any other venue, if they cannot take the idea that the world my loves live in should be as important, as safe, and be filled equally with the same advantages as theirs. I won’t be in the company of or surrounded by those who would make comments about one of my children like the ones that I have been reading about Stephon and Stevante.  And I know they would.  I am content with “losing” so-called friends who would have horrible things to say about me as a parent and about my personhood should a terrible thing happen to one of my kids.  Those “friends” do not leave a hole in my heart; they unplugged an infection and left a space for something better, and room for healing.

I have had anonymous messages sent, one of which is a recording.  My mind is blown at the lengths to which people will go to cowardly let me know how they feel, rather than engaging in a conversation. They are so afraid of me, I think, because they believe I pose a threat to their entitled way of life.  If they could only think past their noses, they would realize that I don’t.  I’m actually proposing a world we can all live in equally, and that would raise them up also – not lose something.

Stevante’s grief is palpable.  His community’s grief is palpable, and thick with hundreds of years of history of grief, brought about in many ways, that some of you won’t even bother to acknowledge. And yet, you believe that somehow you have the right to tell them how they should wear their grief.  You haven’t that right.  You certainly haven’t earned it.

Twenty shots fired in five seconds. Dead.

Audio Only

Say his name:  STEPHON CLARK!

#SayHisName #StephonClark #NotOneMoreTime #EndPoliceBrutality #TonePolicing #JusticeForZoe #BlackLivesMatter #EndStateSanctionedMurder


Stephon Clark's brother to Mayor Steinberg: 'I owe that man an apology'








Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Check Your Personal Equality Climate

“The humanity of all Americans is diminished when any group is denied rights granted to others.” ~Julian Bond (Founder of Southern Poverty Law Center, and Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee)

_______________________________________________________
So many of us live in fear. I'm not saying that we go around hiding or shaking in our boots (though some might). What I am saying is that many of us operate out of fear, rather than love, and it shows in the way we treat people -- even in our silence. 

If we operated from love, I wouldn't be writing this, and the world would look a whole lot different!  For one, the conversations about race and gender inequality wouldn't exist because neither subject would carry weight. We would treat family like... well, family! We wouldn't see power-hungry bosses and co-workers stepping on others to gain ground or intimidate. We wouldn't see power struggles in relationships, nor abuses of various kinds. Bullying would be unknown. We wouldn't have the need to prove our superiority over another.

The current climate has brought out all kinds of fear; you can hear it in conversations and it thumps around in daily life. This is nothing new, but I suggest that the energy in our spaces right now has forced this nastiness upward and forward from the mires. Sometimes fear looks like hate; sometimes it looks like anger; sometimes it looks like sadness, or many other related negative emotions and actions. What it doesn't look like is love for all, including love for self. Cooperation, collaboration, and affinity are abundantly missing in all walks of life.

Some of us are fearful of losing something if we contribute to others -- the "what" that we fear is boundless. It could be money, footing, stature, reputation, family, friends, love... you name it! Unfortunately, when motives are fear-driven they come out in ways that we have several labels for, i.e., hate, bigotry, violence, misogyny, rudeness, bitterness, racism, homophobia, etc. I cannot imagine that there is one among us who never falls into the fear trap.  I know I fall, and it is not pretty!

Though there are clearly many ways love and fear is each expressed, for the sake of this post, I am particularly speaking about making room for others to be on the same ground. I am talking about the absolute truth of helping, giving, allowing others to be and have the exact same allowances and how we do not lose a single thing in the process.  Many who are "on top" view equal rights as a pie, and feel that if they give another the exact same space that they are in, that they lose a piece of their ground or a slice of their pie.  But this is only true when we are speaking about an actual pie! (But even then I will argue that sharing is awesome, and you'll still receive a wonderful intangible in return!) 

Self-reflection time:  Where in your life do you take issue with another having what you already have, be it property, pay, rights, housing, health... anything?  Where in life do you hear yourself complaining about another that has requested the same fairness in life that you receive?  If at this point the voice in your head just said, "I'm not prejudiced, but...," or "I'm not a bigot, but...," or "I believe in equal rights, but...," or "I'm not a racist, but...," or "I'm always nice, but...."  Man, your "but" just told all about what's really going on. Did you hear it? It was REALLY FAST so you might have missed it.  Our "buts" will show our butts every time!

If at THIS point you have now gone into the discussion about "deserving," and who deserves or doesn't deserve something, you're deflecting.  Yes, you really are. This looking at self in the mirror thing doesn't always feel good (at first), but it's a practice we all need to be in.  Your view of life is not the same as another's, and it is no less or more accurate either. It is no less or more important. Your view and experience of life is not THEE view or experience, rather merely one in a myriad of views and experiences. 

Questions to ask yourself:
  1. Where are you not listening to someone's struggle, or discounting their account of life?
  2. When do you diminish others and their experiences based on their occupation, neighborhood, family, gender, skin color, religion, history, etc? 
    • And the bigger question: WHY are you doing that?
  3. Why are we afraid to accept that life plays out differently for others, especially someone who has lived a completely different life?
  4. Why do we have such a hard time admitting that we either just don't understand, or that we just don't give someone from a different culture or walk of life the consideration they really deserve?
  5. Why is it we want others to give us a break and understand where we are coming from, but we don't give that regard to someone whose shoes we've never stepped into and have had very little or no affiliation?
  6. Why does someone else deserve less than we expect to receive when we want to be heard and understood?
Is it really any wonder why we see anger from marginalized groups? 
"When I uplift even one to equal standing, I lose nothing and gain it all -- not only for myself, but for all of us. Likewise, the converse is true.  Remember that one can and will cause a collective.
It is impossible to give more than I have, and completely possible to gain more than I dreamed when I pursue love-multiplied as my only agenda."

The way I see it, we have two choices - LOVE and FEAR. Super simple! Now if you choose love, it does not mean that you have to agree, or even understand, but it does mean that you are giving others space to be who they are and to express how life is for them in a way that you can't possibly understand. Again, you lose NOTHING. Who knows, you could even learn something and find out how ridiculous and unknowing you may have been before (which I strongly suspect is the reason so many of us refuse this opportunity)! Or you could realize how to be part of a solution, and/or how you might have been part of the problem.

Start today coming from your heart, and retrain your ears and mind to open up to those you have disregarded and discarded in the past based solely on things you can't or refuse to relate to. Search your conscience for where you have turned it off in order to be okay with your discounting of others. Acknowledge the humanity in all, and the fact that we really all yearn for the same essentials. Listen to someone you might not have before, and not to gain anything for yourself, but just out of love. It's a win-win. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, and you'll start gaining faster if you listen more than you speak!


Love,
Debora

P.S.  Let me know if you've been brave enough to start giving people space to be who they are, and what you're learning.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Remember Your Super Powers, Warriors!

CHEERS to those with invisible and chronic illnesses. Wishing all of you WARRIORS a blessed new year! May 2018 bring us all a rejuvenated and renewed strength.

I want to remind you that we all have super powers, though some may choose to see us as weak. We are anything BUT that! Do not let those apathetic ones steal your energy or happiness, your last “spoon,” or an ounce of your wellness. While we may feel low and even unproductive at times, it takes courage and inner strength to get up and face each day. It takes a wise warrior to rise up to a day filled with unknowns, and also to know when it’s time to rest and turn inward. It takes resolve to do our darnedest to walk through the fire of a flare each day, and being so good at “acting well” that we fool many around us. Those are our warrior super powers! We are not weak; those that judge us are weak in spirit and mind. 

Relish the good days, and even the down days. There is much to celebrate still; don’t let “it” consume your joy. Know that we are a strong community, and you are not alone in your struggle.