Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Whether Black Sheep or Wandering Sheep



Tomorrow is Thanksgiving

So, I've read several posts in the last two days about family rejection and/or being made the black sheep of the family, and how hard it is during the holidays and special occasions. Listen, I've been there, and with more than one side of the "family." I've also been hundreds and hundreds of miles away from loving family for many years ("wandering sheep") and unable to spend time with the ones who love me back. It can feel hard, especially if it's a new situation. But it doesn't have to remain hard or sad. 

Don't be a victim. Find other like-minded, loving "sheep" and keep it moving. Live YOUR life. Find YOUR tribe (or herd, I guess). Help grow a new group of humans that are there just to love on each other and understand.

Thankful and Grateful

There are no words to express just how thankful I am for the loving folks in my family that know and care about my heart, that aren't feeding from the drama well, and have no other agenda for me except to love me as I am.  I am eternally grateful for those of you who took the kids and me in at holidays when my family was so far away. Those are forever treasured memories and times -- and I would be remiss if I didn't recall that a few of you were in the same position. (Look up "Misfit Thanksgiving" inside our collective memories. LOL)

Thinkful and Greatful - What It Is and What It Isn't

By the way, this isn't about giving those that you need to be away from or who are pushing you away the proverbial or literal middle finger. (Though I acknowledge how tempting it might be!)  It's not even the opposite of that.  It's something completely offline from that altogether. This is ALL about and ONLY about loving yourself more than your perceived need to make a point, prove how right or worthy you are, or to linger in abuse.

Just like we push ourselves away from the table when we've had enough to eat, sometimes we have to do the same with those that try to force feed us a bunch of malarkey! Choose healthy options and portions! Spend your energy and mind on making memories that feel good, and excuse yourself from the ones that hurt.  You're the only one that can do this for you.


Happy Thanksgiving, from my herd to yours!



(For the record, if you know you really are a trifling problem in your family, or you have been treating someone bad, this post is NOT for you.  This is not for you to justify staying away or being asked to due to your poor or abusive behavior.  Be honest. Go get yourself straight and make amends.)




My Mama, Gram, and me - Thanksgiving 2013
We always had the best time.


Audio File/Slideshow




Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The Space You Create / Stop Setting Fires




It just occurred to me today, while reading some articles about different kinds of domestic abuse, that the response and behavioral changes by the abused seem to be the things that invite more abuse. The abuser doesn't like what you have become after being abused, so then that becomes a reason for more abuse, anger, hostility, and now resentment, too.  Abusers don't seem able to see their part in the victim's behavior and become incensed when it is brought to their attention.  The victim's behavior isn't likely to become healthier while continuing in that environment, and so the abuser's attitude also becomes worse. The cycle of the behavior of an abuser and victim, and how the victim becomes more victimized as they suffer from the fallout of abuse is only a testament to the repetition and space that is created by the abuser. 

What a cycle.

We all have to be responsible for our actions. But if you are going to be the creator of a  hostile environment, it is up to you to clean it up if you don't want hostilities to linger and grow. You can't ignore the pain you inflict, the mess you create and leave behind, and expect it to repair itself - and especially if you repeatedly set the fire. You can't blame the person/s you are abusing for not cleaning up the catastrophe. As a matter of fact, they can't. If you light your house on fire, you can't blame the smoke and the ash for the mess.

Bottom line is this: If you set the fire, it is up to you to bring the water and the balm. If you don't want the smoke and ash to linger, then it is your responsibility to cease setting fires. The other person can do whatever they do - leave, stay, apologize, argue, cry, take responsibility for your blow-up - doesn't matter. You will still be the same fire-starter. And you will do it again - to that person or the next.

Nothing good can survive in that mess. If it doesn't all burn up in the fire, the smoke and ash will eventually suffocate anything left.




Saturday, October 6, 2018

Kavanaugh, Outrage, Hypocrites, and Party Lines

I don't think Kavanaugh is the right choice (likely not a big surprise to anyone) for Supreme Court Justice, and I'm PISSED, but probably not the reasons 99.9% of you think.  For one, I think he's partisan. Two, he showed a piss poor demeanor during the interview.  Three, I believe Dr. Ford. And my reasons why are that order of importance. The first two are pretty clear, but the third is last on my list because honestly, we fucked up. ("We" meaning mainly the left, because I don't consider myself a Democrat). This issue with Dr. Ford could have been cleared up sooner and in a more thorough way. But someone thought it'd be good strategy to throw it out there at the 11th hour. STUPID!  Have we not forgotten that the right wing folks are the same ones that obstructed nearly everything Obama tried to do (and we know why; don't fool yourselves or pretend), AND they announced it publicly that they would?  Yes, this is the party of ZERO FUCKS GIVEN.  Did we think that this cute last-minute move by the left was going to actually change something??? This should have been dealt with from the first day it was made known to whoever could have done something about it. (We'll likely never know who let the cat out of the bag. At first we were praising Feinstein, then we were protecting her from having the fingers pointed at her for doing it, so.... )  We also gave Dr. Ford a dirty deal by putting her out there like that. She should be hurt and pissed at how she was treated on all levels, by all sides. WE failed her by handling it this way, and consequently, have not helped any other victim who wishes she had the wherewithal to come forward, or possibly even someone who's now more afraid than ever to leave her/his abuser.

Remember Merrick Garland? How about Gorsuch? Remember the obstruction and the speedy push-through?  How about ALL of the various politicians over the years that are KNOWN for sexual misconduct of various degrees - on both sides? There are self-serving hypocrites on both sides of the aisle, and I'm not just talking about the politicians! We are just as bad when we turn a BLIND EYE to what our party does, but then turn around and blast the other party for similar offenses. Both sides do this! In MY lifetime, there was nothing comparable to the pre-announced obstruction of the right wing when Obama was in office, and if you say this is false, you're just a liar. In the old neighborhood, we used to say "Don't start none, won't be none," but now you all are surprised at the pushback you are getting from the Dems. I don't know who to point and laugh at harder and louder - the right or the left!  We are getting NOWHERE; well, maybe we're spiraling downward faster.

If you want something to change, then WE have to change - change the way we VOTE, and certainly change our expectations to a higher plane for our public SERVANTS. Start by INVESTIGATING your own candidates at least as much as the others, and PAY ATTENTION to ALL that your representatives are doing WHILE they're in office! They lie so much, and though they are supposed to be serving us, they are indeed SELF-SERVING. STOP TURNING YOUR HEAD WHEN YOUR OWN CANDIDATE OR PARTY DOES A DIRTY DEED! You can't keep pointing the finger at the other party and wonder how we got here. We can't change THEIR house; we can only change OUR house!

The Dems are the party of  ELEVENTH HOUR ORCHESTRATED OUTRAGE. How many times are we going to protest, write letters, complain, etc. when we want something done, and one of them finally shows up at the 11th hour with some fire and brimstone speech. You know what we do?  We idiotically cheer them on then, lifting them on our shoulders like some kind of frigging hero. GIVE ME A F'ING BREAK!  Just off the top of my head Warren, Obama, Harris and Booker come to mind. (Side note: have you paid attention to the records of these folks, or do you just like how they speak and look?)  

You want change?  Get off the teats of MSNBC, CNN, Fox, etc. Get OFF the websites that ONLY support YOUR opinion. Start using the ol' thinkie-thing again! And probably the most important of all, stop being afraid to vote in CHANGE. Let's get these frigging dinosaurs and limp noodles out of there! I still can't forget how many people were afraid to vote for a third party SIMPLY because they thought that the candidate's stated goals were too lofty.  That is SAD!  We keep saying what a great country this is and flexing our biceps about it - except at the polls!  When did we become so afraid of having lofty goals?  I thought that's what this country was about. NOTHING is going to change if we keep voting in these mealy-mouthed, late-comer dinosaurs!  This isn't a football game (or pick your sport) where we should e rooting for the side whose jersey we wear!  This is much more important than to be so shallow!

Trump is the slimiest of slimeballs.  He is disgusting, and just generally a terrible human being. And PLEASE don't try to tell me what he does for the veterans! If you're a veteran and/or stand by him for veterans, you are being foolish. Google it!  In addition, do you actually think he gives two shits about the flag?  He doesn't. But I digress....  'You know why he's the president?  Because of 52% of white women + Hillary Clinton (and her DNC partners in crime.)  That's the TRUTH.

Now don't get me wrong; I'll get out there and protest (body-willing). But our keyboards, streets, sidewalks, and Capitol steps CANNOT be the only place we do legwork!  Take a trip through the voting archives online to see how they're voting in Washington DC, and equally important if not more so, look at your local public servants' records!  Pay attention to when they step in and throw out some convenient outrage and action.  Look to see who their donors are! Don't be lazy and rely solely on the biased mainstream media. Stop wasting your time trying your best to make the other side look bad while your own side is sneaking under the radar with some janky mess!


You say you want things to get better and you want to see change?  Then open your eyes. Open your mind. Don't be fooled by party lines; they're ALL about privilege and self-serving. Be a brave American and don't be afraid to change your mind. Then VOTE with an educated, courageous mind!